


If Only I Could Find the Answer to Take It All Away

by Firefly (fantasticfabrications)



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Gen, Minor Character Death, Sadness, dealing with grief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-02
Updated: 2015-02-02
Packaged: 2018-03-10 03:39:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3275288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fantasticfabrications/pseuds/Firefly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haru loved his grandmother. And that made everything so much more difficult.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If Only I Could Find the Answer to Take It All Away

**Author's Note:**

> This is an effort to get my own grief out. My grandmother has passed away, and so this is me dealing with it.

Haru had known. He had known for the last few weeks that things were changing, things were getting worse. And he knew that she’d be gone sooner rather than later.

 

It didn’t make things any easier. The knowing didn’t make the pain any less. It was the slow decline of health, the way she needed more rest, the coughing, the physical weakness… He could tell it would be soon. He could tell that she was tired, that she didn’t want to live much longer.

 

The pain in Haru’s chest beat with his heart, pulsing like an open wound. And it was an open wound, in a way, not in the blood sense, but in the way it hurt, in the way that it wasn’t fixed. And it wouldn’t be fixed. How could it be fixed, when his grandmother was in bed, struggling to breathe, struggling to move, sick in her final days?

 

He wished he could take her pain away. He wished he could help her more. More than just cooking and cleaning and being there. Haru wished he could save his grandmother.

 

And when Haru thought of his parents, he thought of them bitterly. He thought of them not returning to care for the dying woman, for not supporting her enough, for not coming to support their own son. And it was bitter thoughts that passed through his head as he made breakfast that morning, and bitter thoughts as he made his way to his grandmother’s room.

 

And she wasn’t coughing. And she wasn’t moving. And Haru shakily pulled the covers back to gently wake her up, but he knew something was wrong. She wasn’t moving. And when his fingers came in contact with ice cold skin, his heart stopped. His breathing changed. And Haru sunk to his knees by her bedside.

 

Haru was silent as he tried to process this new situation (not so new, it was expected, he should have known, HE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!). Slowly, as Haru began to acknowledge that his grandmother really was gone, his body started to shake with silent sobs. His tears ran down his face, dropping down onto the bed sheets, falling near a limp hand that had once wiped away all of Haru’s tears.

 

He could picture her waking up, shushing him, gentle fingers wiping tears from his eyes. He could imagine it so vividly. Haru looked up at the woman who had raised him, the woman who had been more of his mother than his own, and wished for his eyes to stop clouding with tears. She wouldn’t have wanted him to cry.

 

Did that even matter now? She was gone, she was dead, and Haru was alone. He had known this was coming, he shouldn’t be crying, she wouldn’t have wanted him to cry, but she was gone, so gone and dead and Haru was alone.

 

He’d never see her again. The thought struck him suddenly, and he started shaking again. More tears welled in Haru’s eyes as he struggled to control himself. Hunched over on the floor, Haru cried until all his tears were used up.

 

That was how Mrs. Tachibana found him, three hours later. Sitting on the floor, eyes dry but red, no more tears to be shed. She was the one to call Haru’s parents, as well as doing her best to support him by bringing him back to her house.

 

Haru would survive. He knew that. The Tachibana’s new that. His parents knew that. It didn’t make the pain hurt any less, and if he could become uncaring, he would. Anything to take the pain away. There was no answer though, and all Haru could do was wake up each morning and keep on walking forward. He had to do it, for his grandmother.


End file.
